Tag Archives: coming out stories

A Lesbian Wife and Her Heterosexual Marriage: Coming Out Story #13

This post is part of the “Our Stories” project, where readers submit their testimony or coming out story. It’s important to engage in meaningful and life-giving discussions about a topic that is too often silenced. When you tell your truth, you help someone else accept theirs. 

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I’ve struggled with my sexuality for as long as I can remember.  I’ve always been attracted to women, but good southern Christian girls just don’t entertain those thoughts.  In my very early twenties I entertained the idea of being a lesbian, but I was extremely conflicted and fell into a depression.  I decided that it was just the devil trying to trick me, and set out on my quest to find a husband.  It didn’t take me long to find one through online dating.  We were married for five years before I realized that I had used marriage as a way to run from my feelings.  I began to acknowledge to myself that these feelings weren’t going to go away, and I found places like Coming Out Christian that helped me reconcile them with my faith.

I had been unhappy in my marriage for some time and convinced myself that my husband didn’t love me anymore and would be happy to be rid of me, so I started to talk about getting a divorce.  As a Christian I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity of marriage, but my husband is not a believer and I thought he didn’t want to be married to me anymore, so I figured I had an out.  Contrary to what I thought, he said he did still love me and wanted to stay married.  I had this grand plan cooked up wherein I would get a quick and painless divorce and be free to explore my new-found sexuality.  When that came crashing down I was confused all over again.  I had it all planned out!  Now what was I supposed to do?

I told my husband that I “thought” I was gay, which was not how I planned to phrase it, but when it came down to it, I wasn’t brave enough to say it more decisively.  Naturally, my husband had questions and concerns, but above all wished to remain married, in whatever context we came to define it.  I found a few resources regarding lesbians who remained married to their male spouses, and it was a huge relief to find others in the same situation.  None of us are as unique as we like to believe!  These people have managed to stay in love and stay married and stay happy, and that is what I aim to do.  I do love my husband, and I am committed to working out our issues and staying married to him.  He has offered to allow me the freedom to explore my sexuality, or “experiment”, as he put it, but I told him that I do not want to “experiment”.  In my eyes that is adultery, and I could never forgive myself if I did that.  Homosexuality does not have to equal promiscuity, and I do not have to let sex run my life.  I have moved to an apartment temporarily as we work out our problems, but I’m happier than I have been in a long time.  My husband and I are “dating” and enjoying it very much.  I know it seems strange to say that I am a lesbian in love with a man, but I truly feel that as long as we remain honest and act with love instead of selfishness (which is always a struggle for me!), we will be just fine.

-S.S. (Arkansas)

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There has been a update to this post. Be sure to check it out here!

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Starting Over: Coming Out Story #12

This post is part of the “Our Stories” project, where readers submit their testimony or coming out story. It’s important to engage in meaningful and life-giving discussions about a topic that is too often silenced. When you tell your truth, you help someone else accept theirs. This is Anita’s story.

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I am a Christian wife of 35 years, mom and grandmother who has been immersed in a lifetime of conservative literal teachings and practices of the church. Only in the last couple years have if found the language, the courage, and the desperate need to figure out how to explain to myself, to my family, and to others in my faith community who I am; why I am different in so many ways and why I struggled to be the best I could be but always with a sense of not quit right. It has been a spiritual journey of love that has unraveled me and put me back together. The journey has involved grief, anger, depression, hopelessness, forgiveness, love, and acceptance. God has guided me every step of the way and has brought amazing people into my life that has shown me such kindness, compassion and understanding. I finally found the words to talk to my husband. I have the tendency to perceive the reactions of others to be potentially negative. He surprised me with love. He doesn’t completely understand but he loves me. I am reminded that it took me a long time to understand and accept myself. I need to allow others that time also. So why even bother at this time in my life? Why go through the pain and fear of rejection? I have a deep compassion and love for those who have left or who have been rejected by the church. I asked my Lord to teach me His ways and to help me better understand His love. Teach me to love others as you have loved me. The words tell us but until we walk the walk the words can be difficult to comprehend. God answers our prayers in amazing ways. He knew I struggled with loving myself and that I didn’t really know why. He caused me to look at myself more closely. You know those unexpected people who come into our lives. Well, God showed me who I was. “Love yourself first, then you will be able to love others”. Oh my, the unraveling began. It was painful and extremely difficult. Time, searching, praying … the answers began to unfold around me. I found other Christians. I was surprised, amazed, and hopeful. The pieces of an allusive puzzle began to fit together with amazing clarity. Oh my, I am a lesbian and God loves me and he wants me to love others like me the way He loves me! So what do I do with this? I must love others. I must let God’s light shine in me. I must reach out to others with compassion and understanding. I spend a great deal of time trying to figure out how to do this with wisdom, grace, compassion, kindness, and love. This is my journey and I have really only begun.

Coming Out Stories

In order to share in one another’s sorrows and carry one another’s burdens, we must learn  to tell our stories. The “Our Stories” page on this site is designed to do just that. It’s my hope that it will also tell our collective story to the Church as a whole. When we put a face on the issues at hand, the game changes. Once people find out they have a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered family member or friend, it makes this topic personal. If you haven’t already, I invite you to take a look at the “Our Stories” page, and read the personal testimonies of people who are on the continuous journey of reconciliation.

I would also invite you to submit your story as well. Whether straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning… by telling your truth, you are helping others accept theirs.

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Over the next couple of days, I will be doing site maintenance. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, you will be able to comment on each person’s coming out story individually.