“Who to Blame?”: Guest Blog Series


This post comes from Josha. Here she discusses many of the things on which people tend to blame homosexuality. It’s a beautiful article that celebrates God’s diversity, and the love He has for all of His children. Thank you, Josha! –Mandy


They blame it on an abusive or absent father. When I was a little kid I was afraid of the dark. I hated nighttime. Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, I would look toward my bedroom door, hoping to see a dim light coming down the hallway.  If there was a little light, I knew it was early morning and that my dad was up in his recliner reading the newspaper. I would carefully walk down the hallway and crawl up into his lap and fall back to sleep on his chest while he read. He always had on a white cotton T-shirt, and to this day the smell of a cotton T-shirt brings back a peaceful memory of my dad….one of many, very fond memories of my loving dad.

My dad loves me, and it’s not his fault that I’m attracted to women.

They blame it on a mother who does not encourage her daughter to be feminine.
I remember my mom trying to get me to wear a little makeup.  I hated it. But I let her put it on my face before school a few times because I thought that was what I was supposed to do according to…..the rules of becoming a woman? Mom was not really interested in makeup and dresses either, but to fit in to the social norms, she would partake in looking the “right” way. She wore a little makeup. She is heterosexual, and my dad is very fond of my mom’s inner being and femininity. Therefore, she was a very good model for me. But, put femininity aside, by far, the best thing my mom ever did for me was to sneak me a piece of cracker from the communion plate during Sunday morning church and share with me its meaning in relationship to Christ.

My mom loves me, and it’s not her fault that I’m attracted to women.

They blame it on bad brothers. I loved hanging out with my brother. We use to play basketball till after dark. We built tree houses, in fact, a seven-story tree house at one time. So fun! We use to play Rambo on the back of the football stadium, climbing and swinging from railing to railing. Sure, most of our playtime ended with fighting, but what siblings don’t fight or argue? And as a “normal” boy he would annoy me just to make me mad. When we got older, we drove to Colorado from Texas to go backpacking; and another time we went to Oklahoma to go canoeing, just the two of us, as friends and siblings. We spent many hours during our high school years mowing yards together for the lawn business my brother developed. I cherish those times with him. We have had deep discussions about faith in God and shared in each others’ dreams. I love my brother.

My brother loves me and it’s not his fault that I’m attracted to women.

They blame it on sexual abuse. I had bladder surgery when I was a little kid because of chronic bladder infections. They had to do horrible tests to find out what was causing them. My mom was not allowed in the room where they held me down to insert a tube up into my bladder. Some might call this rape. But, I don’t really remember it.  However, because I knew the story, this is what I initially used for blaming my same-sex attraction.  In researching, I came to find out there are people who go through far worse abuse that has more evil intent than a medical procedure, and they end up being heterosexual.  Perhaps some abuse has kept some women from being able to get close to men; but as a whole, there is no validity for sexual abuse to cause same-sex attraction.

Neither abuse nor medical trauma is the cause of me being attracted to women.

Some people have come up with strange ideas in an effort to blame. I had one individual try to blame my same-sex attraction on this, “You probably looked at beautiful women throughout your life, wishing you could look like them because you did not like how you looked. I can see how Satan could twist that into you being attracted to women.”  This is FALSE! In fact, I have never once in all my life wished I looked like another woman. HA! If anything I was jealous of boys who got to wear their hair short and run around in the Texas heat without a shirt. In elementary school, I hid the Barbie doll my aunt gave me in my chest of drawers. I did not want to look like her.

Desire to look like another woman is not the reason I’m attracted to women.

I have also been told, “maybe you haven’t tried hard enough to be attracted to men.”

I’ve had many friends who are guys that I enjoy outdoor adventures with and who have the same moral values as myself. Throughout my whole past I have tried so hard to be open to the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship but there was just something missing that I could never identify. Finally, it all makes sense. I’m not attracted to men. I have no sexual desire for men. I don’t know how much harder I could try; and the truth is that if I did make myself pursue marriage with a man, it would not be healthy and would be a disservice to both of us and God.

I’ve tried. I can’t try any harder. It’s not my fault.

So who else and what else should we blame this on?

How about God?

I think David says it best in Psalm139:13-16,

“For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
Before one of them came to be.”

I don’t blame God….NO, I THANK GOD…. for taking such interest into my innermost being and for constantly molding me, with all my qualities and characteristics, into a better person that He knows me to be.


One response to ““Who to Blame?”: Guest Blog Series

  1. How beautifully written, Josha! I always loved the ending tag in the Veggie Tales videos my girls watched when they were little: “God made you special, and He loves you very much!” God indeed made you special.

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