The Path Unknown

About four months ago, I took my last road trip with my Christian band. It was a devastating thing—and would have been more so—if it weren’t for the circumstances that surrounded it. Because of a barrage of things that happened in the preceding month, the event came as more of a relief. At that point I was angered, hurt, and rejected; it had been my sexual orientation that brought me to this point of leaving something I loved so dearly. Even though I had come to terms with my sexuality years before, I still felt shame at what others felt toward me once they knew the truth.

Somehow, I realized the profoundness of the moment. I felt distinct affirmation and peace from God as I approached the end of an 11-year era. That weekend, as I prepared for our last concert, I bought a ring to commemorate the event. It seemed fitting: around the circumference of the silver circle, one of my favorite verses was engraved:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” -Jeremiah 29:11


I’ve always loved that passage, but it rang truer than ever for me that early fall day. I’ve never come closer to hearing an almost audible voice from Abba saying, “You are my child. This is a season of refining for you. Rest in Me as I purify you and prepare you for My work”.

I fear that there are others on this same journey who buy into the lies that we’re told: “You’re not good enough”, “Become straight and then God can use you”, “We can send you to reparative therapy, and that will fix you”… and the list goes on. I hurt for those who believe these untruths. I can empathize… I was there for years. The truly tragic result of this is when we continue to believe we are without worth. God will use you right where you are. This doesn’t mean you have to know everything. It doesn’t mean that you won’t question things. It doesn’t mean your beliefs won’t change.

It just means you won’t be alone.

And if the Creator of the universe is with us, then we have nothing to fear on the path unknown.


3 responses to “The Path Unknown

  1. This story is very encouraging and gives me hope. Thanks for sharing the experience.

  2. I just want to thank you for your transparency and having this site as a safe place for many of us. I wish Christians would be REAL with each other like you are on this blog. It would sure make things easier than “hiding” and feeling we can only share our real selves with certain people. Funny how we are supposed to be like Jesus, but many of us are from it. I have accepted the way I am. I still wrestle with it being right or wrong, but that’s not where I put my focus. I just accept that I am this way, and that in now way makes me a different person, and it should not keep us from being able to serve the Lord. I wish someone would just explain to me why this “issue” is considered a “sin above sins”. It make no sense to me. I could tell someone I’m an alcoholic and they wouldn’t freak out nearly the way they would if I told them I like the same sex. It’s just so stupid to me. Anyway, I have felt so alone for many years, and the older I get, I’m learning more things about myself than I ever knew. And honestly?? It’s all making so much sense to me now. I am thankful for this page where I can come and see that I am not alone in this journey. I love reading all the comments. Thank you, Mandy, for opening your heart to so many of us who just need a place to talk…safely.

    • Can’t agree more – I was astounded to find this blog, and I find myself coming back to it over and over again, to read and reread the posts. They are like medicine to my soul. Just the thought that God knows me, that He made me, that He is well aware of everything that goes on inside me – and still loves me. Wow. It fills my heart with courage and hope. Makes me want to follow him more closely, after all. Who’d have thunk that discovering I am a lesbian would draw me closer to God?

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