Wait.

I love getting mail from readers. Yesterday, I received something that I related to on multiple levels. Many of us know the pain of waiting: Waiting for clarity, waiting for change, waiting for acceptance, tolerance, and love.

When I received this from Jill Lippard, she didn’t have the intention of sharing it here on the blog. But I thought it was something worth hearing. With her permission, here is Jill’s poetic experience of a life on hold. -Mandy

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I am tired of waiting.

I waited for seven years before I accepted that it was okay to love the love of my life. Seven years in the closet. Seven years sitting on the fence. Seven years of life on hold.

After wrestling through those years of doubt and indecision, I decided this love was a gift. A gift from God. A gift that I didn’t have to be ashamed of. I didn’t have to hide it. I didn’t have to fear for my salvation because of it. I was exactly who God made me to be.

So I came out. I told the truth about who I was and who I loved. Then I waited.

I waited for loved ones to recover from the shock. I gave them time to adjust to the idea. Time to cope with the perceived loss of who they believed me to be. Time to question. Time to arrive at a place of acceptance and, I hoped, eventually support. I waited.

A few years later, I married the love of my life. And, although I have a piece of paper from a state that recognizes our marriage, it is nothing more than a symbolic gesture in the state where I live.

So I continue to wait.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:4-8, 12-13)

Why are people so afraid of love? What are we waiting for?

I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalms 27:13-14)

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4 responses to “Wait.

  1. Absolutely Beautiful!

  2. I’ve been in that “waiting room” of life myself. As I see the changes happening in the world around me, I hope that fewer and fewer people will hesitate and worry and second-guess themselves for years on end like I did. Thanks for a well-written and thoughtful reflection!

  3. This post was timely for me, as well. Just last night, I heard from a dear high school friend who had stumbled onto this blog, therefore, discovering my sexual orientation. The first thing she did was write to me and tell me that she loves me just as I am. Immediately, a huge burden lifted… and I couldn’t help but wonder: How much time have I wasted being fearful of other’s reactions, when I haven’t even given them a chance to form their own opinion? I haven’t given them a chance to accept me, to love me, to be in relationship with me.

    We are made to wait enough as it is. I’m going to get on with living in the areas that I am able.

    Thanks for letting me post this, Jill. I needed to hear it. :)

  4. I really like this post. Thanks for this message.

    I remember when I was a little kid I had to go to the doctor many times for ear issues, bladder issues, tonsil issues and I hated the waiting room. The anticipation of seeing the doctor was nerve racking. Not knowing what the doctor will say, order, or do to me. My mom started using the waiting time to prepare me for what might happen. She would draw pictures of the shot or whatever the procedure might be. She educated me and got me ready for when my name was called.

    These times that we have waited during the “coming out” process, I find to be so frustrating and nerve racking, but very valuable. I like to think that we are not just “waiting for the Lord,” but that The Lord IS the “waiting room,” and that the Lord has been preparing us and protecting us and leading us and when occasions come that we are called out of the “waiting room” there is much goodness to be found and reasons to praise God.

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