Rediscover Faith. Rediscover Love. Rediscover Yourself.

My life has been quite a ride over the past few years. From living a miserable double life as a Christian lesbian, to finally facing my fears of rejection and coming out… suffice it to say, a lot has happened. I’ve found out who my friends are. I’ve discovered who I am. And most significantly, I’ve rediscovered my faith in a way that has made it mine. I never knew what that was like. I was always taught to be comfortable in my traditional faith: Don’t ask too many questions. Don’t trust your own reasoning. Don’t change too much. For the first time in my life, my brand of spirituality has been reborn out of my own experiences, my own conversations with God, my own heart-searching, my own soul-seeking. I’ve learned to question the things that others taught as truth. And I’ve learned that something isn’t always so just because someone says it is. I’m still in the midst of this changing and ever-evolving journey… and honestly, I hope that I never grow comfortable in my faith again. This is the most liberated I’ve ever felt! The very act of seeking—of searching, of asking questions—has become a holy practice for me.

Now, time to get real. There are a few more things that I need to improve. Over the past few years, I’ve endured so much stress and emotional turmoil that I’ve tried to cope with it in several ways. My self-esteem took a blow. And to account for my depression, I would eat. (And that’s no one’s fault but my own.) The result is a lot of weight gain, which only perpetuates the cycle: low self-esteem –> depression –> overeating –> weight gain –> low self-esteem, and so on.

So, I’m writing this post for two reasons today. First off, if you are living a double life right now because of your sexuality… I want to assure you that things will improve. (Insert your favorite “It Gets Better” video here. Here’s mine.) If your faith has suffered because of the stress, loneliness, and rejection you endure, you will come out on the other side better for it. Secondly, I’m writing this as accountability for myself. Now that things are getting back on track for me, I need to make sure that is also true for my physical health. To completely obliterate the things that made my life miserable for so long, I need to get healthy again. So, I’m making myself a promise to eat better, to exercise, and to get rid of this extra baggage. Once that is gone, I will truly be able to say I’m a new person.

Rediscover your faith. Rediscover Love. Rediscover yourself.

What are some things you need to do in your own life to make that happen?

3 responses to “Rediscover Faith. Rediscover Love. Rediscover Yourself.

  1. very nice to hear i have actually went thru the same kind of transformation over the last year or so.

  2. Coming to terms with sexuality integrated my physical and spiritual life like nothing else. Until then, my soul was fractured. Only then could I present a whole heart to God and be honest with him about my whole life. Since then, my relationship with God has been real and existent, unlike it was before – going through the motions, and hoping that by good works, I could keep him placated. Regardless of whether the world accepts me, he accepts me, as-is. I rejoice with you, Mandy, that God sees us, invites us as we are to know him, and that we cannot outlove him.

  3. Wow, I could have written a lot of this post myself, especially about the weight gain. When I was dealing with coming out to myself and my separation last year, I pretty much stopped running and ended up gaining back the 25 pounds I had lost the previous year. Even though my girlfriend loves the way I look, and I’m thankful that I found her at my heaviest so I know she likes me regardless, I’m not happy with myself. I need to get healthy, too. Thank you for talking about this.

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