A Mother’s Love: Guest Blog Series

Author’s Biography

Kathie was born and raised in Southern California and was the last of five children.  She attended the public schools until high school where she attended Bishop Amat Memorial High School in La Puente, California.  She attend USC School of Law, La Verne College of Law, and Cal State L.A. to earn a certificate as a paralegal.  She worked most of her adult life in the legal field as a paralegal.

Kathie founded a paralegal service for nearly nine years.  She then worked at the Academy for Academic Excellence in Apple Valley, California, where her youngest daughter attended, for six years.

She is married and a proud Christian mother of three daughters and five grandchildren.

After learning her youngest daughter was a Lesbian she retired from the working world, kept a journal of her feelings and the journey she now found herself on.  She developed her writing skills through the Christian Writer’s Guild, and after much research on the topic of homosexuality, she turned that journal into a book in the hopes other families would not have to suffer as she did.

 She believes there is a light at the end of every tunnel.

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As a Christian, doing everything I believed God asked me to do as a mother; raising my girls to believe in God, to accept Jesus as their personal Savior, and to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind, … imagine my reaction to finding out my youngest daughter was lesbian!

So many emotions ran through my mind and my heart was literally broken.  I felt chest pain and was sure I was being punished.  Didn’t she know better?  Didn’t I teach her that being gay was an abomination to God?  Did I fail her?  Did I fail God?

Oh my gosh!!!  I was a mess.  I begged her, pleaded with her to change her mind.  I told her this was a choice and that her life would not be what it could be!  I got on my knees and pleaded with God to intervene.  “Please, Lord, change her heart and make it what you desire it to be!”  I began developing health issues, depression and illnesses.

I kept a daily journal of what was happening and how I was feeling.  Looking back at that journal is now very painful.  Not painful for what I put myself through but painful for what I put my daughter through.

It took me several years to realize, it wasn’t ever about ME!  It was always about my daughter.  She couldn’t change who she was.  I had to research her community and the information surrounding her life, her friends, and her future for a better understanding.

What I found through a few years of research, meeting her friends, attending a Pride Parade (although I was very afraid at first), is these kids are still OUR kids.  God gave them to us to raise, to teach them about God and how to live a productive adult life.  I did all that!  I didn’t fail God and I didn’t fail my daughter!  What a realization that was! I began to feel a peace.

To see her thrive and flourish, to obtain two Associates Degrees, a Bachelors Degree and a Masters Degree was amazing!  To see her work and go to school, obtain many friends who were all going to school or had careers and were also gay!  God blessed her throughout those years and I could see His hand in everything!

During those years she met a girl and wanted to bring her home.  I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.  I wanted to dislike her.  I decided to have a BBQ and have the entire family over to meet her.  The minute she walked through the door I fell in love with her.  She is an amazing person, from the same type of family we are!  All of us fell in love with her.  That was four years ago and they are still together.  Now I can’t imagine my daughter walking through the door without her partner.  Wow!  Have I come a long way or what?

I also learned through my research that some churches are “welcoming”, meaning my daughter can feel safe worshipping in those “particular” houses of God.  There are some churches that are NOT welcoming.  My first question to one pastor was “who owns God’s house?  Is judgment up to man or to God? And who are you and your Board of Directors to say my daughter has to CHOOSE which house she worships in.  Doesn’t God call all of us to worship?”

His response was “being Gay is an abomination to God and our job as Priests and Pastors is to educate our congregation on what God says and what He means by saying it!  We are called to speak God’s truth!”

WOW!  What an eye opener.  What I saw was a business – not God’s house!  What I saw was a bunch of men and women “interpreting” God’s word rather than have their congregation ask for God’s guidance and allow God to speak directly to each individual.  What I saw was a Board of Directors dictating how this church should be run.  And it is run as a business.  God has no say in the matter!

I went to a Bible teaching church for many years and the Pastor there said “I will not ask for money as the collection plate is passed around.  Give or don’t give. My God is a rich God and he is now, and has always, provided!”  Can you imagine?  He went from having church in a park, moved to an abandoned grocery store, and now has a church that houses thousands each and every week!  What an awesome God!  And yes, this Pastor never asked for money, it was all provided by God.  He also called all of us to seek God’s guidance, not his!

My main point now is to let other Mothers know that our kids are God’s gift to us and how we raise them is our gift to God.  They will be with Him in the end.  We gave birth to these beautiful children.  We taught them they first belong to God and to give Him all glory and honor; to pray and seek His guidance.  Once they have that personal relationship with our Lord, they seek his desire for their lives.  As adults they continue on that journey.  They don’t give up on God – they give up on the God of their parents, and of non-welcoming churches, who believe these children should be punished for being gay!

I have a true peace with my daughter.  We are so close and always have been.  But I believe this experience drew us even closer.  We talk every day online and on the phone.  She tells me everything, confides in me and asks me for advice.  She appreciates the fact that I took the time, effort and energy to find out all I could on the subject of being gay and the effects that she and so many others have to endure.

I have been reaching out to other Mothers to counsel them on how to react and learn before passing judgment or going through what I put myself through.  There is no positive result when you refuse to listen and pass judgment.  There is a positive result when we can listen to our children without reaction, ask questions, meet their friends, and research what they are facing, again without judgment.

They are our children and my motto is “keep your children close!”  They are the same children we gave birth to and raised.  They are a gift from God!  God doesn’t make mistakes, and He certainly didn’t make a mistake by giving me this particular child.  She has truly been a gift all of her life and continues to be.

Our God is an awesome God.  He gave us our children and it is our responsibility to Him to do everything to keep them close, be a big part of their lives, and to love and encourage them as they go through adulthood.  They are the same person from birth to the present day.  If we loved them without exception prior to learning they are gay, why do we question everything after finding out they are gay!!!  That is the question!

-Posted by Kathie Hynes

3 responses to “A Mother’s Love: Guest Blog Series

  1. This is such an amazing blog! Kathie is an awesome writer and a wonderful role model for other parents of gay children. My own mother has acted very similarly to Kathie and it has made a world of difference in my life. It really instilled a hope in my spirit and it helped me to face the world. I would just like encourage parents to take notes from Kathie; it can literally turn your child’s life around. (I highly recommend her book.)

    At the end of the day, the straight church knows what isn’t working…shouldn’t they move on to other methods soon (please)?

  2. Cherry-Ann Carew

    Gosh! This is so inspiring and as Jessica says, ‘amazing’. Good on you Kathie for being so candid. Hopefully, you will open the eyes of many who are struggling and lost.

  3. Beautifully written, Kathie and definitely written from your heart! If more parents would just realize that one cannot choose their sexual orientation, there would not be so many lost children and this would be a much better and more peaceful world!

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