Happy Pride Month!

It’s June—and that means dragging lots of things out of the closet: shorts, flip-flops, tank tops, and the gays! That’s right… June is national LGBTQI Pride month; and despite the stereotypes you may have heard, Pride is much more than drag queens, guy-liner, and Birkenstock-wearing lesbians. I’m no gay pride pro, but in the few times I’ve attended a festival, I discovered something completely unexpected: lots and lots of gay Christians.

You’ve seen it before in movies or television… the trite depiction of a gay pride festival generally includes completely naked men and women parading in the streets. Oftentimes, there is mention of public sex, orgies, and gays gone wild. Now granted, Pride Fest in the Bible Belt may be distinctively different than San Fran… but I’ve never witnessed anything of the sort. In fact, I met some of the most Godly people I know at Pride. During a time when I was very distraught over my plight as a lesbian (who happened to be madly in love with God), I met people who encouraged me, prayed with me, listened to me, and loved me. I began to discover that God’s family reached far beyond what I had imagined, with borders far wider than I thought possible.

Chances are, your city has countless events going on during the month of June, such as church functions, film screenings, discussion panels, festivals, concerts, etc. If you decide to attend a Pride Fest, I guarantee there will be many churches and congregations there, ready and willing to love on you. I urge you to look into your city’s schedule this month, and start putting some things on your calendar.

Have fun, tell your story, and don’t forget the sunscreen!

Crashed Love: a Lament

Today, my heart is heavy. I’m so very weary of the divisiveness within the Church over the LGBT issue. I don’t expect mass overnight inclusiveness (although that would be nice). I don’t expect open arms at every congregation. Heck, I don’t even expect people to change their minds. What I would wish for—if only granted one wish—would be a populace love revelation. But have battle lines have been drawn too deeply into the sand? Believers on both sides are standing up for something, and standing passionately. I truly believe that those opposed to gays in the Church are convinced they are being loving by “standing up for the truth”. But is love truly the message being conveyed by the Church at large? For me, the answer is a resounding “no”. After reading an article by Rachel Held Evans, it seems I’m not the only one who feels this way.

When asked by The Barna Group what words or phrases best describe Christianity, the top response among Americans ages 16-29 was “antihomosexual.” For a staggering 91 percent of non-Christians, this was the first word that came to their mind when asked about the Christian faith. The same was true for 80 percent of young churchgoers. (The next most common negative images? : “judgmental,” “hypocritical,” and “too involved in politics.”)

Does no one see this as a problem? Perhaps I would be blinded as well, if it weren’t for the fact that I’m a Christian lesbian. Unfortunately, it’s at the very forefront of my life.

Every. Single. Day.

I would love nothing more than to be able to move on with my life. I don’t want to have to dwell on my sexuality every day—because although it is a part of who I am, it is not my identity. Those who think I am an abomination define “it” as my only character trait. I am no longer a writer, a singer, a Jesus-follower… I am simply lost. And what makes it worse in their minds is that I still claim the Christian label. Some think it would be better if I just turned from the faith altogether, as to not lead others astray with my thoughts on the matter. I want to serve God. I want to minister to those in desperate need of His love… and many of the ones in need of that love are people who have been shut out of churches because of their sexual orientation.

Can I be honest? Sometimes, this struggle for acceptance just gets too personal. There are times when I think it would be better to leave it up to the straight allies. I want to spread the message of God’s inclusive love… but the negative reactions of some pile up like cinder blocks on my chest, suffocating me to death. When communion turns into alienation, when those I used to fellowship with aren’t willing to hear my story even once… it hurts beyond words. Instead, they want to read me the six passages of the Bible that they assume I’ve never seen; the six verses that I’ve spent the better part of a decade dissecting, praying over, and pouring my heart into.

And as I feel the knife plunge deeper, the air rushes from my lungs, and I wonder if physical death could hurt as much as this does.

Am I Allowed to Dream?: Guest Blog Series

 

This post comes from Josha. Here are some of her honest thoughts of dreaming of a future as a gay Christian.

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I have heard these statements more than once in my lifetime:

“Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”
“Girls dream of and plan their weddings before they even meet their husbands.”
“All little girls dream of being a princess.”

I’d like to say, “This is not true!”

I remember when I was real young, fearing the day that a man might propose with an expensive diamond ring that would stick way out and get caught on everything. Seriously, I feared either having to suck-it-up and wear it the rest of my life, or having to break the guy’s heart and say, “I will marry you if I don’t have to wear that.”

And I never dreamed of getting married. I really thought God would let me know when the right time, and who the right guy would be….until then, “why would I dream of this?” I thought.

I never dreamed of being a princess….actually, I dreamed of being a hero like a prince or like Rambo or like Indiana Jones. My dreams were actually me being male, until I got to an age where I had an awareness that most girls don’t dream of being guys, plus they don’t desire to be a guy. When I stopped allowing myself to dream of being like Luke Skywalker or Han Solo, I started hating myself. I had to fight those dreams and the older I got, dreaming of my future was very difficult. I had no desire to dream of being a wife or a mother. Basketball became my dream, as well as seeking to honor the Lord with my life. I held strong to my passion for purity and hoped that one day God would give me insight into who and when I should ever get married….and that I would finally have marriage desires.

I recall my brother always dreaming of being a husband and a father. He talked about it many times. He made choices and plans during the present time of his youth based on his dream of having a family. One example that I love is that he got a Master’s in Hotel and Restaurant Management and began working in a hotel (while he was single) and quickly learned that the Hotel business is terrible if you want to have a family. During that time he fell in love with ministering to elementary age, inter-city kids and that inspired him to become a teacher with the vision of having holidays and summers off to be with his wife and children. I love my brother. He now has a wonderful wife, an awesome one year old, and another baby on the way. He is living his dream. He is living what he started talking about in high school. He is very happy.

Finally, God has given me insight into marriage. Finally, I get it. Finally, I have marriage desires. I find myself wanting to dream of being married someday.  I have noticed that I have even started making decisions based on the possibility of being married (to a woman of course). But then my dream gets squashed.  Frequently. Every time I hear something negative about homosexuality. When I hear people say that marriage is only for one man and one woman, period. When I consider the reality of how hard it will be for my family and my church family to accept me being married to a woman, I shut my dream up. I try not to get my hopes up for something that may cause so much pain in the community that I live in.

I just want to dream my dreams. Can I do that for a moment?

I dream about a day that not only society at large recognizes marriage between same-sex couples, but my church family saying, “We accept you and your marriage.”

I dream that my church family will welcome all LGBT folks and not with the “we love the sinner, hate the sin” slogan, but with an approach of openness to the fact that “we just might be wrong about our perception of sexuality.”

I dream of my whole family saying one day, “Josha, we just never knew another view until now, and after much processing and much seeking, we have a better understanding and want to support you in a marriage with a woman and include her into the family…..”

I dream of someday meeting a woman who is on the same Christian path as me, who has the same morals and values, and like I shared in ‘That Lifestyle,’ I dream the following….

“We would make decisions together and discuss daily topics. We would share meals and entertain company. We would work through problems, together. We would go for hikes in the mountains and take trips to the beach. We would serve others in society, together. We would seek the Lord in all that we do. We would serve in a church family, where we could be in community with others and could grow spiritually, together. We would take care of a home and a yard. We would listen to each other’s stories. We would support one another’s dreams and grieve with one another’s losses. We would take care of each other when one of us is sick. We would enjoy just being, together. I would hold her hand and tell her that I love her, and learn how to express my love to her for a lifetime.”

But when I read what I have just written and I reflect on the views that most Christians have, I think to myself “How disgusting you must be to want this with a woman?” I tell myself to “Shut up, you are ridiculous! This can never happen!”

This is the tug-of-war that I experience within myself. The fight of holding back my dreams because of what I’ve been taught my whole life about the one man, one woman perspective. And this is when I start to experience what I’ve written about, “In the Midst of Dying.”  

Sometimes, I just want freedom to dream.

I want to honor the Lord with my life as I dream. And so, here I am writing on a blog, just trying to be truthful and as honest as possible while I’m wresting with moving forward, seeking holiness.

It is both an exciting and frustratingly difficult journey.

I’m working on embracing this time where people are being open and more receptive, but when my dreams are squashed, it is hard to embrace this time.

My apologies to the Lord as there are moments I feel like I’m a whiny kid lacking patience.

I want freedom to dream and I want the desires of my heart to come true….surely this is the same for every breathing human being….and perhaps it is also true for God…..

May we all answer the call of the Lord that is spoken in Zechariah 7:9-10, “Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other.” (Reminds me of Jesus).

When communities answer this call, this vision, this dream of God’s, it is evident, because children and the elderly are cared for, people feel safe, needs are met….and dreams that lead to peace are encouraged.

Man Goes Undercover to a Gay-to-Straight Conversion Camp

I found a particularly compelling article that I think you’ll find quite interesting. We’ve talked a little bit about reparative therapy—a technique used (generally by the Christian right) to “heal” and “correct” same-sex attraction. Organizations such as Exodus and Love Won Out make a ridiculous amount of cash each year with the promise of changing individuals, and bringing them out of homosexuality. Alan Chambers, President of Exodus International, spoke on a panel at the GCN (Gay Christian Network) conference this past January. He admitted that 99.9% of homosexuals he knows have not changed their sexual orientation. Ironically, his organization still sells a $330 workbook and DVD set that states the following:

“Many people have bought into the lie that you cannot change. The reality is that people have been coming out of homosexuality since Biblical times.” -Exodus International

Fortunately, I believe the tides are turning as more and more people discover the truth about reparative therapy. These organizations are not changing sexual orientation. They can, at times, change behavior—and it is fairly easy to understand why: People can be shamed into doing anything, particularly when they believe that their loved ones will abandon them if they do not change.

We’ve heard a little bit about the questionable (at best) techniques used by these reparative therapists. However, many times the whole truth is not heard, due to the countless confidentiality waivers that a person must sign in order to go through this type of “therapy”. This article is the most comprehensive I’ve ever read. It is fascinating, to say the least. This undercover experiment was done by a former Mormon who is now an atheist. What he documents here is unbiased; it is simply his experience at a conversion camp. (Please be forewarned that there is some PG-13 language in this article.)

Without further adieu, here is Ted Cox and his article:

“What Happened When I Went Undercover at a Christian Gay-to-Straight Conversion Camp”

In the Midst of Dying: Guest Blog Series

Here’s a thought-provoking and honest piece from Josha.

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Nobody chooses to have cancer, do they? If cancer were a choice and if being gay were a choice, I’d choose cancer.

I have the blessing of sitting by a beautiful, older woman with the sweetest spirit during Sunday morning worship on many occasions. Her grandson is terminal and has been told by doctors that he has 2-3 months left of life on earth. I’ve never met him personally, but his extended family is very important to me so my heart goes out to him and all his family and community. He is a young man with a wife and two small children. Because of these circumstances, it makes facing death extremely difficult, however the man has been very strong and his faith in the Lord is inspiring many people in such away that you can’t help but see the work of God in action. This is the bright side of his most unwanted condition.

Lately I’ve been asked by various friends from our church circle, “Have you seen his blog?” Apparently his insights and writings are moving men and women to tears and they are stirring people to look at their own life and become better people and to walk a better Christian life. I have intentions of visiting his blog, however I have had an aversion to it. There are two elements to my aversion. One, I find myself jealous of him. Two, it makes me feel so sinful to be stressed about my sexuality while this young man is facing death.

My true thoughts are that I’d rather be dealing with cancer than dealing with the conflict between my sexual orientation and church. I’m jealous that this young man gets to die and that people see his faith as being strong and noble. And their hearts go out to his family with love and encouragement. Yet, in my case, I feel like if these same people knew what I was coming to terms with they would “love” me, but feel betrayed, hurt, and deceived….while these are not my intentions. (Honestly, I’m trying to live in such away that honor’s God). I feel like they would think my faith is weak and that Satan has twisted my mind. Their heart would go out to my amazing family with pity and perhaps wonder what my parents did wrong. So, yes, I would choose cancer if I had a choice.

My fear is that I will read this man’s story of dying to himself and living for God and be slapped in the face once again that I am failing to die to myself as I “justify” my sexual desires.

I’m jealous of the idea that this young man’s pain will be over soon. He will not have to endure the physical strain. He will not have to endure watching his family, watch him die. He will be at peace and his family will find comfort in that he is in a good place with no more pain.

While this is happening, I will continue living with the pain of not fitting into the social and Biblical norms. The pain of the messages that:
“Homosexuality is an abomination.”
“Homosexuality is impure, unholy.”
“Homosexuals are on a path to hell.”
“Satan is lying to you.”
“Your sexuality is not valid, it is a sin.”
“You are not trying hard enough.”
“You are not trusting God enough.”
“You are not praying enough.”
“You are disgusting.”
“You need to change.”
“You do not see God’s truth.”
“We love you, but your sexuality is not what God wants for you.”

And I have to watch my family suffer as they try to understand and as they wrestle with what they believe to be true and with what I believe to be true. They do not have peace about this and I do not feel complete peace when I know my loved ones are not at peace.

PAUSE
(At this point in writing these thoughts I took a break and proceeded to find the young man’s blog).

I found it and read the latest entry that he had posted and he spoke of the excitement of what he has been observing happening in regards to the kingdom of God and how “It’s happening.” While he is dealing with the prospects of dying he is observing that people are becoming more responsive, open and more hospitable and as he stated, “Those who follow the ways of Jesus refer to this as gospel living. Jesus referred to this kind of stuff as the kingdom of God breaking into the world.”

And then his following statement hit me hard,

“This is what I’ve lived my life for and to think that it could emerge without me makes me incredibly jealous!”

While I have been jealous of his potential dying, he is jealous of not being around to watch and be involved in the momentum of this movement of the Christian walk in his community.

I totally relate to his words that described this movement. I’ve experienced it myself here and there and it IS exciting! There are times I have that same excitement while I’ve been on the journey of coming to terms with homosexuality, until fellow Christians “remind” me that my sexuality is an “abomination.” Knowing that I can’t change this about myself, hopelessness starts to set in. BUT, Jesus is all about hope. And when I read stuff like this young man has been writing, I feel a sense of hope in that there are people out there who are BEING Christ before using scripture like a rule book that sends you to hell.

As it says in Ecclesiastes,
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die…..
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.” (3:1-13)

We are in the midst of a small part of the larger story. We are merely a season among the span of eternity that has been placed in our hearts.

In regards to homosexuality, many people have experienced a season of death. Some have killed themselves because of the shame, humiliation, and self hate as a result of anti-homosexual messages. Some have been murdered. Some continue to live yet they feel dead inside and are in deep depression making them feel paralyzed and not fully living. And when they are told their depression is due to lack of knowing Jesus, they are sent into deeper depression…and some actually believe that the Lord hates them…how can hope and life be found when the very essence of hope is perceived to hate…. causing a sense of an eternal death sentence.

It is time to kill the negative messages in order for healing to take place.

It’s NOT my choice to be attracted to women (this is FACT no matter what other people might say), but IT IS MY CHOICE to serve and seek ways to honor God with my life’s circumstances and that is what I will continue to choose to do. I die to myself in this way, as I have not made it my primary goal to indulge in my sexual desires. I have not left God because of my sexuality. I continue to worship with my church family who views my sexuality as sin.

I’m still learning.

I’m learning that my sexuality is beautiful and that the God-given desires are beautiful. And that someday the Lord may bless me with a wonderful person to share my life with and I will continue to learn how to keep my sexuality beautiful, as God intended it to be. And, I continue to learn what it means to die to myself and live for Christ….living for others.

In honor of the young man I have mentioned above, I will refrain from jealousy of his dying and I will embrace this time of living in which people’s hearts are softening and who are being more responsive as they seek to meet the needs of others as Christ.

Homophobic Homosexuals: Do it for Them

People despise in others what they hate in themselves. This is especially true for Christians struggling with homosexuality. And although it’s certainly not true in every case, so many homophobic people end up being exposed as gay people themselves! Why is this? Why the secrecy? Why the double life and the double standards? It’s because as a whole, the Church has taught its people to loathe homosexuals. They make false claims about the “gay agenda” (if there is such a thing, let me know…because I’ve been missing out on the meetings). They also convince people that it is so perverted, so filthy, so unspeakable… that it is a subject unworthy of open discussion.

I’ve experienced this unbelievable phenomenon in my own life. The one who speaks anti-homosexual rhetoric in public is the one who sends me private text messages, telling me how hot they find someone (of the same sex). The one who preaches against the horrors of the gay lifestyle is caught the next week with their gay lover. The one who rants about how homosexuality is unnatural is the same girl who passionately kissed me 10 years ago. Can we see a pattern here?!

Confession time: It’s very difficult for me to not allow anger to consume me. However, I must remember that there was a time when I, myself, was so uncomfortable with my own sexuality that I would have done anything to deny it. Pointing out the sexuality of another takes the spotlight off of their own. If they quote enough Scripture and hold enough picket signs, then perhaps no one will notice that they are questioning their own sexuality.

And guess what? These people are hurting. They’ve been told what to believe, but their experiences teach them something else. They have questions. They have stories. They have a lot of self-hate… and they are silenced. They are silenced by the people they trust and by the church they love. So rather than confront their questions, they attempt to fit in by any means necessary. This could mean hypocrisy. This could mean judging others. But most significantly, it means a lot of hurting individuals.

It’s not just the out and proud LGBT community that is being hurt by the Church. It is the people just like the ones I’ve mentioned, who are sitting in congregations across the world every single week… and they hate themselves. They hate themselves because they’ve been told to.

I ask you… isn’t there a better way? Let’s encourage conversation and discussion within the Church walls.

Let’s do it for them.

Homosexuality and the Bible: The Clobber Passages—Part 4

First and foremost, this blog is a safe place for all people to discuss the topic of Christianity and homosexuality. That being said, I get a lot of questions about what I think the Bible does or doesn’t say about the topic. Since the “What We Believe” section of the website is one of the most visited pages, I thought it might be constructive to do a 4-part series on the clobber passages—the six passages of the Bible most often used to condemn homosexuals. A portion of the material I will use comes from Dr. Rembert Truluck, simply because I think he does a fantastic job at hashing out these passages. As always, discussion is encouraged!

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As we begin the last segment of this series, let’s take a look at the texts we will be discussing:

I Corinthians 6:9: “The unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God. So do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the realm of God.” 

I Timothy 1:9-10: “Law is not made for a righteous person but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers and fornicators and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound (healthy) teaching.” 

At first reading, these passages sound pretty cut and dry. For decades upon decades, these two verses have been used to condemn LGBT people. But as always, we must consider translation discrepancies. The bottom line here, is that the word that was translated as “homosexual” does not mean homosexual; and the word translated as “effeminate” does not mean effeminate. It should also be pointed out here that the word homosexual is a composite word, made up of one Greek word (homo: “same”), and one Latin word (sexualis: “sex”). The word homosexual is actually of modern origin. Its first known appearance is found in a 1869 German pamphlet 143 des Preussischen Strafgesetzbuchs und seine Aufrechterhaltung als 152 des Entwurfs eines Strafgesetzbuchs für den Norddeutschen Bund (see this article for more information). There is no word in biblical Greek or Hebrew that is parallel to the word “homosexual.” No Bible before the Revised Standard Version in 1946 used “homosexual” in any Bible translation.

The two Greek words up for discussion in these passages are malakoi and arsenokoitai. Let’s take a closer look at both of these:

Malakoi is translated as “effeminate” in the King James version. Other translations include the terms: “male prostitutes”, “homosexuals”, and “men who have sex with other men”. All of these translations are far removed from the original meaning of the word malakoi. To determine its intent, we must look at other places of usage in Scripture. Malakoi is used in Matthew 11:8 and Luke 7:25 to describe soft clothing. Additionally, in Matthew 4:23 and 9:35, the word is used to refer to illness or sickness. These four verses are the only other places that malakoi is used—none of which hint at or reference sexuality in any way.

So, what does malakoi mean? Looking at the context and usage of the word from the additional verses from Matthew and Luke, the most accurate translation would be “soft” or “vulnerable”. So what does it mean in the context of 1 Corinthians 6:9? It seems to me that malakoi in this context most likely means “soft in spirit” or “weak”. For example, it could refer to someone who is easily influenced, or who does not think for themselves. It could refer to someone who is undisciplined or self-indulgent. However, given the textual clues from the Gospels, I do not believe it means “effeminate” or “homosexual”.

Arsenokoitai is most commonly translated as “sodomites”, “men who defile themselves with other men”, or “those who practice homosexuality”. This term has not been discovered in any writings prior to Paul’s letter. One prevalent theory is that Paul may have even invented the word. When broken down, the word seems to be a conjunctive term made up of two words: “male” and “bed”. When we look at it this way, arsenokoitai could have several potential meanings. It could refer to the customers of male prostitutes, as male prostitution was a very common practice in Rome during Paul’s time. Additionally, assuming the two literal meanings of a conjunctive word can be dangerous, as well. For example, the word “lady-killer” in English means neither a lady who kills nor a person who kills ladies but a man who knows how to charm women. (*1) Finally, arsenokoitai could refer to same-sex intercourse. However, the only known instances of same-sex intercourse in Paul’s time was that of pagan ritual worship, or as a means of domination and humiliation to victims in warfare. We must remember that Paul lived in a patriarchal society. There was nothing worse for a man in Paul’s time than to be demoted to the position of a woman. I believe it is for this reason that homophobia so often originates from the hatred of women. Paul could not have known same-sex relationships as we know them today. In his time, these practices were acts of violence, hatred, and pagan rituals.

So, what is the conclusion? What happens when we read our Bible and it clearly reads “homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of heaven”? We must remind ourselves that yes, this is what the Bible reads, but it is not what it says. We must remember that the Bible as we know it today has passed through many hands and has been translated in many languages. Yes, it is inspired. Yes, it was written by the anointed. But it is simply not inerrant. Why? Because it was written by human hands in a foreign culture, in a distant time. Several Biblical accounts were written hundreds of years after the events they were recording.

In closing, the Bible—this sacred text by which we measure our lives—should come with a warning label: “Handle with great care and great caution. Use this book not to condemn, judge, discriminate, or exclude; but use it to show the power of divine Love, compassion, mercy, grace, and inclusion.”

*1. Miner, Jeff (pastor of the Jesus Metropolitan Community Church in Indianapolis, Indiana), John Tyler Connoley (who recently completed a Masters in Biblical Studies at Earlham School of Religion-A Quaker University) The Children are Free, Indianapolis, Indiana, Jesus Metropolitan Community Church, 2002, page 19.